Feelings Treasure Hunt

Angry

Anger is just one of the many emotions big and little people feel.  However, most of us are uncomfortable with anger...ours and our children’s. We view it as a negative emotion when, in reality, feeling angry is OK! It is how we deal with that anger that can be destructive and hurtful.

Our job as parents is to help our children learn to control their anger so that their anger does not control them. To do this, we have to allow them to feel their anger and we have to not be afraid of our children’s anger. We can start by helping them to notice and understand their angry feelings. Then we can begin to teach them to deal with their anger in ways that are not hurtful to others but helpful.

Being able to understand and work through anger in a healthy way, is a skill that will help your children navigate through the problems and stress of life. 

Pot o’ Gold...

  • Find a small pot or jar and decorate it if you wish.

  • Find something small that can be the “gold” to add to your “pot” such as pennies, gummies, fish crackers, etc.

  • During the week, each time you notice or talk about feeling “angry” be sure to add a piece of “gold” to the pot.

  • At the end of the week, you can count/eat the “gold” as you reflect on the “angry” feelings that you noticed all week long.

NOTICE and LABEL Angry Throughout the Week...

  • Watch for times when your child looks like they are feeling angry.  Try to remain calm as you talk about how they feel and why?  What does their face look like? What does their body feel like?

  • Notice times when you yourself feel angry and calmly “talk aloud” about it with your child. Talk about what has made you feel angry. Point out how your face looks and how your body looks and feels when it is angry.

  • Don’t forget to notice and talk about characters on TV and in books who are feeling angry!  Ask your children how they know the character is angry and why they think he/she might be feeling angry.  Talk about what the character might do to feel better or calm down.

Acknowledging Your Child’s Anger…

Acknowledging isn’t condoning our child’s actions; it’s validating the feelings behind them. It is a powerful message that tells our children we are paying attention, and it helps them feel deeply loved and  understood.  Feeling heard and understood allows children (and adults) to  let go of their feelings and move on.  This is a powerful tool in helping children learn to deal with anger (as well as other emotions) in a healthy way.

  • Start by noticing (out loud) anger in your child’s face/body.

  • Then help your child to connect their angry feeling with whatever it is that has caused it.  “Are you feeling angry because…?”

  • Take your child’s point of view. This is the important part!  Take time to truly understand the anger your child feels and let them know you “get it.”  “It is so hard to have to be done playing at the park when you are having so much fun!”

  • Offer support!  This does not mean that we give in to our child’s demands or behaviors. It means that we simply try to help them calm down or feel better. “How can I help you feel better?”  For example...you might offer a hug or to sing a favorite song. 

  • Once a child has calmed down then you can talk together about how to deal with whatever has made them angry in a helpful way.

Play a Mystery Emotion Game…

  • Create an angry emotion face. (Cut one out of a magazine, print one from your computer or even draw your own.)

  • Put the angry face in an envelope without showing your child.

  • Act out that emotion, and encourage your child to guess what Mystery Emotion is hiding in the envelope.

  • Once your child guesses correctly, have your them share a time when they felt really angry.  What made them angry? How did their body feel?  What did they do with their anger?  What else could they have done? 

  • Don’t forget to share a time when you felt angry and talk about it with your child.

 
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Activities

Practice Making angry Faces in the Mirror…

  • Using a mirror, encourage your child to try to make an angry face.  You try too! 

  • Talk about how you know when a face looks angry.

  • Come up with a list of things that can make people angry.

  • Talk about different ways to react when you are feeling angry and how your reactions affect others around you

Make Get the Mad (Anger) Out Cookies…

  • For a fun and safe way to talk about anger with your child try making Get the Mad Out Cookies from the PBS Kids Website.

  • https://www.pbs.org/parents/recipes/bake-get-out-the-mad-cookies

  • While you are making the cookies together, talk with your child about times when they have felt anger and how they reacted to that feeling.

  • Make a list of ways to deal with anger and discuss which responses seem good and helpful and which seem hurtful.

Create a Safe Space...

  • Talk with your child about how sometimes we are so angry and we just need a place to get away so that we can feel better/calm down.

  • Together with your child find a special place in your home to be the designated “safe” space or “feel better” space.

  • Make it supportive by adding softness such as pillows, blankets, bean bags, stuffed animals.

  • Make it interesting by adding choices of materials that encourage focus and calming.  Here is a link that will give you a great list of ideas.  https://www.andnextcomesl.com/2016/04/what-to-put-in-a-calm-down-kit-for-kids.html

  • Remind your child that when they are feeling angry they can use this space to feel better. 

  • Model for your children how to use this space when you feel angry.

  • With a little support your child will start to use this space on their own!