Worried

One feeling we don’t like for our children to experience is worry.  It can be difficult to know what to do when they are feeling worried.  Do we hug them, let them cry it out, tell them to “stop” worrying or that they are OK (even if they obviously are not)?  One thing we know, is that no child ever stopped worrying because someone told them “don’t worry” or “relax.”  Worry is a feeling that our children will experience and we can help them best by teaching them to recognize and work through their worry. 

The first thing to remember when your child is feeling worried is to take time to be physically present with them.  Hug them, hold them on your lap or just rub their back.  Just your physical presence will start to calm them.  Then remember to take time to listen and understand without judgement. Encourage them to talk about how their bodies are feeling and why they might be feeling worried? Next comes the tough part...understanding!  It can be challenging to understand our children’s worry when it feels like they are worrying about something “silly.”  We need to remember that although our children’s worries might seem “silly” to us, they feel very real to them. 

Another important thing we can do is to make sure that we help our children to problem solve and think of solutions to their worries rather than to avoid them.  Avoiding things that worry your child won’t help them to learn how to cope with those things and it very well might make the feeling worse.  Finally, don’t be afraid to seek help if your child’s worry is excessive--if they spend more time worrying than not, if worry interferes with normal activities, or if the same worry persists for more than a six-month period. Learning to recognize, understand and respond to worry in a healthy way is a valuable life skill that you can help your child to build. Hopefully these activities will be a start in that direction. 

Pot o’ Gold

• Find a small pot or jar and decorate it if you wish.

• Find something small that can be the “gold” to add to your “pot” such as pennies, gummies, fish crackers, etc.

• During the week, each time you notice or talk about feeling “worried” be sure to add a piece of “gold” to the pot.

• At the end of the week, you can count/eat the “gold” as you reflect on the “worried” feelings that you noticed all week long.

NOTICE and LABEL Worry Throughout the Week

• Watch for times when your child looks like they are feeling worried.  Talk about how they feel and why?  What does their face look like? What does their body feel like?

• Notice times when you yourself feel worried and “talk aloud” about it with your child. Talk about what has made you feel worried. Point out how your face looks and how your body looks and feels when you are feeling worried.

• Don’t forget to notice and talk about characters on TV and in books who are feeling worried!  Ask your children how they know the character is worried and why they think he/she might be feeling worried. 

activities

Make a list of “Ways to Calm Down”

• Talk with your child about how worry feels in their bodies.

• Help them to make a list of things to do to help their bodies feel better or calm down when they start to feel worried.  You might want to remind your child of what a calm body feels like compared to a worried body.

• If your child is not yet reading, you will want to make the list visual.  To do this, instead of writing words on your list you will want to print images/photos/drawings to represent the activities and attach them to the list with glue or tape.

• Post that list in a place where your child will easily see it. 

• When your child is feeling worried take him/her by the hand and lead them to the list of “ways to calm down.”  Point to each activity on the list and support your child to choose an activity to try that might help him/her to feel better.

Create a Whatif / Worry Monster

• If possible, get the book Jonathan James and the Whatif Monster by Michelle Nelson Schmidt at your local library.

• If you are able to get the book, read it through with your child and talk together about some of the worries you each have.  You can do this activity without the book too. 

• Gather craft materials such as construction paper, glue, tape, googly eyes, ribbon, pipe cleaners, etc.

• Together with your child make a  Whatif/Worry Monster out of the box.

• Cut out a mouth big enough to put worry cards into.

• As you talk together about your worries...you can make a worry card for each of those worries and allow your children to feed those worries one by one to the Whatif Monster.  Older children can be encouraged to make their own.

• After you have fed your worries to the monster, tell your children…”Now that our “whatifs”/worries are safely tucked away let’s think of all the wonderful “whatifs” that might happen.”

• This activity could become a lovely bedtime ritual, but you could do it any time of the day.

Make and Use Calming Breathing Cards

• Print a set of calming breathing cards from the link below…
  https://childhood101.com/fun-breathing-exercises-for-kids/

• If you aren’t able to print them, you and your child could make your own cards by drawing pictures of the different types of breathing.

• Practice the different types of breathing together at different times all day long. Make it fun! Before nap/bedtime or after coming in from outdoor play are great times to use these calming breathing exercises.

• Talk with your child about how their body feels when they are calm and compare that to how their body feels when they are worried.

• Remind your child to use this tool when he/she is feeling worried.

• Don’t forget to model using the calming breathing exercises when you are feeling worried.  Children learn volumes from what they see us do!

Make Worry Dolls

• Gather pipe cleaners of various colors.

• Make a set of worry dolls that your child can tell his/her worries to.

• Take a piece of pipe cleaner and cut it in half.

• Take one of the halves, fold it in half, and twist it leaving a loop at the top for the head.  The twist creates the midsection of the body. The remainder of the pipe cleaner makes the legs.  Bend up the ends to create the feet.

• Take the leftover half of the pipe cleaner and twist around the body just below the head to create the arms.  If the length of the arms or legs are off, either twist it around another time or cut to the desired length.

• Make as many worry dolls as you need!

• Tell your child that at bedtime he/she can tell each doll one worry and the doll will hold on to or solve the worry during the night so that your child can sleep.

• As you do this activity with your child remember to listen with understanding to his/her worried feelings.  

• Throughout the following days as those worried feelings come up, be sure to listen with understanding to your child and provide time to help him/her think of things that will help them feel better.

More activities

Play dough Feeling Mat…

• Gather play dough, a mirror, paper bags, plates and or construction paper.

• Draw the outline of a head on a paper plate, paper bag or construction paper.

• If you have access to a laminator you might laminate your face outline to use over and over again.  Or you might try contact paper, clear packaging tape or using a large plastic baggie or page protector to protect the face.  If you don’t have a way to protect the face outline just make a new one the next time you want to do the activity.

• Encourage your child to think about a time when he/she felt worried. Provide a mirror and have your child try to make a worried face in the mirror.  Talk about what their mouth and eyes look like when they are feeling worried and encourage them to create a worried face on their play dough face mat.

• Try this same activity creating faces that look calm, angry and happy as a review of previous emotions.  Be sure to talk about how faces and bodies look and feel as well as times when your child has felt these emotions.

Feelings Book…

• Talk with your child about times when he/she has felt worry.

• Show each other what your worried face looks like.

• Either take a picture of your child’s worried face and print it or have your child draw her worried face. (Use a mirror if your child is going to draw his/her face.)

• Protect the picture by slipping it into a plastic baggie (quart size works well).

• You can also make calm, angry and happy face pages to add to your book.

• As you learn about new emotions don’t forget to add those pages to your book.

• Read your feelings book often.  Try to help your child remember times when he/she felt that feeling and share times when you felt the same way.

Create “Worry” Stones

• Find or purchase some smooth stones at a local dollar store.

• Gather acrylic paints, brushes and Mod Podge or other type of protective sealer.

• Allow your child to paint his/her stone and let it dry.

• As you are painting, talk about and make a list of things that cause your child to feel worried.

• When the paint is dry, brush on a coat of Mod Podge or some other type of sealer to protect it and make it feel smooth to the touch.

• Tell your child that whenever they feel worried, they can pull out the stone, rub it, take deep breaths and it will help them to calm down.

• This stone can be kept in a pocket or backpack so that it is always handy.